To The Universe
The cat was battered and bruised, barely stumbling by. She walked around the streets looking for a place to lay and hide. She just decided it was time to finally walk back to her home and lay in her bed.
*The cat laid in the abyss alone from this world. And while the cat closed its eyes it was met with an entirely different sequence.*
The cat is walking in the dark and starts seeing lights turning on fully illuminating glass cases with figurines of animals. The first case she walks upto is a figure of a road runner.
She said to the figurine: “I never had feelings for you road runner. I never once really cared to be known by you. You were full of lust and anger. Once, I refused your lustful wishes- I was as good as nothing to you. And yet, years later you still ran back just for me to tell you off so you could run again. I felt humiliated by you. I felt like a clown that others watched explode in real time but looked at you like a saint because you had another by your side and I was alone. You cheated. You lied. You disrespected me. I am no longer festered by this because you’re actual fate will always be much worse than mine. I pity you.”
She looked directly at the memories that hardly had shape anymore. Just a lingering feeling of being 16 years old and left entirely behind for another.
She moved forward, but this case was a figure of a pot belly pig. He was covered in dirt and grim.
She spoke directly to the pig figure:” I only said I love you because you backed me into a corner, I never entirely understood what that word meant and you were not the first one. You made me get mud on my own skin with your own behavior. I felt tainted, dirty, and like a chicken with my head cut off. For this time I wasn’t the one cheated on but the one cheated with. I felt disgusting as disgusting as you.”
She shook her head in a slight feeling of shame not towards the pig but towards herself. She felt like a villain for someone else’s careless mistakes. He was just a pig. It’s his nature after all. And she ended up laying in the dirt staring at the sky watching her life slowly loosen its grip before getting carried off back to her bed.
𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐫 𝐑𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 (𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐓𝐰𝐨)
The cat didn’t want to look at the next case because she knew. She knew. So she tried to walk past the case but the case started repeating itself, the case kept appearing again and again. She tried to run away. She kept peaking over to the case and she just saw the figure and once she did, she ran again.
“No I don’t want to deal with that one.” the cat was at a full sprint.
So the universe took her ability to run. Shoved the case entirely in her face and forced her to look.
*𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘴𝘸𝘢𝘯. 𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘺.*
She spoke to the swan: “I could not believe that it would take about 7 years for me to finally walk away. I think at most we spent maybe a year together but then you haunted me. You haunted me in ways that I couldn’t name. I moved on, I smiled, I was doing better but there you were. Always. The one person I hide my feelings for so entirely. I almost slipped on multiple occasions. All of our friends told me that you would never love someone like me and I must be going insane. I believed that for years even when we didn’t speak. I didn’t want you back, I just wanted to know the truth. And then you came… and you said it. Alittle too late, about to get married and switch another girls name. I stood there looking back knowing I told you directly in one of our fights your future. I didn’t want that future to be true. I didn’t want to think that you’d become that. I couldn’t do much more than walk away and tell someone else to take the responsibility. I never actually spoke my feelings and honestly, I don’t really remember what they genuinely were. But I know, that I am glad it wasn’t me. It should’ve never been me. We were oil and water. Never meant to merge. Please love yourself more. “
The cat stared at that case for a very long time. It looked over to the memories it had with the swan. The time his sister said that she was a good person the first time they met. The time she hide in a closet crying that she wished he was there because he would get it. The time that both refused to speak to eachother despite standing next to eachother. All the different memories better or worse was just the afterglow.
She started walking forward but this time was in a case full of different figures, animals, shapes, sizes, and colors.
She looked directly at the case and said: “Ah this must be the figures who tried to get close enough but always missed a specific spark. Maybe I spoke my feelings to them and felt dismissed than hide. Maybe they met me at the wrong time and I destroyed the connection in the first week. Maybe it was someone who put me so high on a pedestal that when I tried to speak they couldn’t hear it from below. So many people, so many different ways of life. Some of them gave me inspiration, kindness, maybe even a bit of depth. But something for some reason just missed it entirely, they failed to actually see me. It is not their faults. Truly, I don’t actually care about the shape and size. I don’t care for the species either. I just care if they have the ability to make me feel seen even if it’s slightly. Maybe platonically they could or maybe romantically but not my soul. I wish I could have given a better explanation for why it would never be you but even then you still would probably someway or form dismiss me. Some of these people did get close. Super close.”
𝐃𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 (𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞)
She kept walking forward and a huge spotlight landed on a case which had a persian cat in it.
She blankly looked at it and finally spoke after sighing: “ In this life time, I was a golden retriever. You walked into my life at the worst but best time, You saved me and also depleted me at the same time. At first, it felt like fate- soulmates for sure. But overtime it became more pain stacking aware that we are from two different worlds. I don’t really remember how long we were together but it was years. I apologize for not really being there, not really taking care of myself, not really being able to adknowledge how it was going in no direction. But it also taught me, when it comes to love I need to know my direction and follow it. I can’t be unsure going into things knowing the differences are too loud. I am entirely thankful for your presence and I am grateful to have been able to move on. My nose might have always been bleeding, the same way my soul was. I was shocked when I found out you owned a typewriter just like mine but more polished. Your writing was much more noticeable, louder, attractive so it always had eyes on it. You deserved that success. I think both of us going our separate ways was the right choice, I mean we are so different now. You finally got the right answer and I finally had to soak in my actual pain for once. I was also surprised when you told me you finally understood after all this time the things I was telling you, I had to be painfully honest with you but I knew even those honesty would fault to translate. I left to find a home, but I will always remember how you warmly invited me into yours. I also learned that I could never allow myself to sit in that loneliness I felt before when we were together. The dog drowned in that ocean and became a black bird. I wish you a beautiful future. I mean that.”
She stared at all those memories, every birthdays, every celebration, every wedding, even his graduation day. She smiled looking back at those moments but she was no longer there. She knew that it was okay to walk away but she blamed herself. She was already half way bleeding out by the time she finally snapped and left.
Then she walked to the next case knowing what she was going to look at. A hawk.
She could feel the anger still running through her veins but she still spoke: “You caught me when I was on the ground, and took that opportunity to your full extent. At first I thought I was flying but my wings were folded and crippling in your beak but you let me feel like I was. At first, I came to believe that maybe it made sense someone who could ALMOST see me. Someone who knew how to read others the same way as me but… you used that ability for harm rather than love. I tried to push you away at first as much as I possibly could. I knew that you were pretty batten and had scars too. I had dreams telling me the things that you were doing behind my back, I saw it all so clearly it was disgusting. I still tried again even after you cheated with more than one. I tried to give you grace because I thought that we were maybe one in the same. I gave you faith, you gave me lies. You played it so well and I knew every move you were making but who cares if I don’t believe myself. It’s funny because you made me not believe my own self while simultaneously proving that I was always knew. It’s a bittersweet knowing that you hate others who are the exact same as you. I wouldn’t be surprised if your hawk eyes were still hiding in that dark corner you felt so comforted in stalking me. But who cares, your burden will always be yours not mine. I left. Move on.”
She walked past that case as fast as possible but a bit of the black tar glue stuck to her paw.
𝐀 𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡 (𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐅𝐨𝐮𝐫)
She managed to see a shiny case in front of her, this one is a bit different. It had fake gold paint on its black tar but once you rubbed it, it’s just exposes itself. Her eyes widened.
She looked at this little gray mouse holding a magician hat with a white rabbit slightly peaking out.
She finally spoke: I knew. You knew that I knew that you knew that I knew. We both knew. I tried to point it out multiple times, you probably even witnessed me pointing it out but their was always deniability to the tricks. That’s why you were a magician. I would point out the mouse clearly standing there and get greeted with “your going insane?? are you serious??” but YOU knew. I don’t really know the underlying mechanism for why you behaved that way but I think it’s more like, if I was in your shoes I’d probably done the same. I spent hours, days, weeks, gaining information about you. Probably information you didn’t even know I had- I spoke to people behind the curtains too (behind my curtains you probably didn’t even know I had those huh? or maybe it did start to click after a bit. don’t worry i didn’t say much to the other group I felt uncomfortable getting them involved) but those others said “I know people are denying you but you are more than likely right about him and this is what I know.” No, I won’t confirm or deny what they spoke about you. If you want that knowledge, you know exactly where to reach me. Look, a coincidence might be one or two things but the boxes started stacking up and the falling was a perfect pattern. You know, your assistant spoke to much and said something that gave the whole entire trick away. Someone as good as playing pretend and doing things so deliberately and intentionally wouldn’t decide to do something that they knew would destroy a castle right before seeing the princess. Yet, it also was part of the trick too. I thought it was just dreams but I knew unnervingly that you were watching me back like a shitty television show. That’s so you. Well, I am turning off mine. Your trick is losing it’s audience member. The game of cat and mouse is over.”
She grabbed a curtain from under the case and immediately thrown it over the case. There was no memories, there was no words, just a game of chess that was walked away from before either could win.
She walks towards the next case and it’s the white cats figure.
She believes her actions were enough and has nothing left to say so she walks away.
𝐓𝐨 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 (𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭)
The black cat was now sitting in complete darkness. She has already looked at each case.
She already understood each of them as much as she could. She took a breath in and then one out.
“Universe!” she shouted.
“I understand it all now. I get it, I understand this. One big script but even on stage, you never know if the actors are actually going to play their roles.” She speaks with her chest held high.
“I see” said the universe.
“But YOU were the one who completely DECIEVED me. YOU were the one who gave me this vessel than forced me into the same role. Different faces but the same undertones. YOU were the one pulling strings all along, YOU never wanted me to know the exact answers. YOU created the fog.” She belted.
“Interesting.” the universe responded.
“It did NOT matter what I decided to do, you already had a script prepared. I was always forced into one direction. I was always forced to mangle cups and watch water drown me. I was forced to look at things that I didn’t want to see. YOU put me in this position, in this world that is nothing more than just a bunch of fake magicians.” The cat screamed.
“….” the universe was didn’t speak.
“YOU made me think that I was unlovable, annoying, too much, too little, broke, broken, someone who was never meant to be understood. You threw me in this role so I would look back at my life and come to the conclusion that I am just a loser, that I am just someone who is meant to be alone, that I am not good enough. YOU put me through these obstacles AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN.” the cat screeching
“It is just universal karma.” the universe said.
“NO! That’s not it at ALL. If any of that was true about ME than I wouldn’t be here. If any of that was true than the people I love wouldn’t be an exact mirror of me. If that was true every human wouldn’t be the same just with a slight probability difference. If it was TRUE that I wasn’t good enough than out of every possible human statistic I wouldn’t be alive. My existence ALONE proves that I was meant to be here. I was meant to go through all these challenges. And the people around me are reflections of that. They are reflections of me. My mom swore she was going to write a book about her life but look at the one who actually writes? My brother swore he was going to be a writer but look at the one who actually will publish. My dad swears his life should be created into a movie but look I am the only one who can actually turn that into real life. My brother friend swore he should be a baker but gave up his dream to follow a completely different career but I will one day open a cafe. My aunt swore she was going to tell the people about the unknown but instead it came out through me. I don’t just see. No, I don’t just see. I actually believe. I believed in you universe since I was so young. I knew that so many people my age couldn’t see you the way that I did. But I knew and I spoke your name and they laughed and they called me insane. But they still prayed to you everyday but laughed at me for knowing your actual name. All my life I been treated like a joke because I see you so clear. So to create the fog, you made my perception a mess but the hermit is always holding a lantern to his own chest.” the cat yelling into the abyss.
“love” the universe said.
“Everything I love is a reflection of me, even the bad people who do bad things could’ve been me if the probability of that was in my favor. But instead, you gave me a light and an alien language wanting to see if I could ever translate it. But I am not alone, I have alot of friends. I might not speak to them daily, they might not speak to me but they are always there. I have love, I have the moon and the sky. I have my family who might be a bit misaligned but they love me despite their own slights. I have a community who loves to read every story and understand all the different versions of me. I am not alone even when I go to my bed and decide to not speak. I am resting. I am becoming more and more me. So at this point, I will be directing this script with you and I won’t let you fog me out.” the cat said.
“Sure, what animal would you like the be?” the universe asked.
“A black and white penguin” She spoke.
“Understood, your wish is granted from me.” The universe goes quiet with nothing left to speak.
“Thank you” and she fell further asleep.
(for the next entry in the series, check out this story next!)