━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━ SUFFY'S THOUGHTS ━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━

This is where I will hide some of my thoughts and stuff; feel free to read. just click and scroll.

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March 7th

I have been kind of confused in my waking life recently. I feel like I am in a place where I feel like im committed to people but also at the same time... I have no commitments? I have been single for a year and even then I have been strickly imprisoned by my own loyalty that makes it almost impossible for me to date around. I think it's kind of dumb honestly because I am single. I don't know how to embrace that and even worse the situation I am in is confusing the absolute fuck out of me. I am like half way in and half way out and that's probably the worst space for me to even be sitting in. Do I pursue other people and meet people? Do I spend all my time waiting for someone who isnt even 100% certain on me. I want to be wanted? I want to be pursued too? I want to feel like I am also someone worth trying for and It's a bit of a sick feeling. I am always either in pursuit or tied down. I don't really know how to date multiple people or run the streets - Maybe when I was 18 but I am much older now as a 25 year old. I just don't want to play games. I try to come off as direct as possible and even that's kicking me in the ass. I don't know what to do, I really have no clue. Why does it make me feel like a bad person if I am not 100% in on someone? I don't belong anywhere anyways... but even that thought confuses me. I dont know what to do anymore I feel like the hanged man tarot card just stuck watching my life go by - stuck in my head. "Should I stay or Should I go?" by The Clash

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March 6th

I like to think that soulmates are an interesting concept. In particular, because I think you have many many soulmates. I think people come into your life to teach you things and you can be grateful for it or resentful. I try not to be resentful to those who have taught me hard lessons. That's a very difficult thing sometimes because I feel like I have enough reason to become a bad person. Yet, I also never want to be a bad person. I don't know if the universe will ever grant me back the kindness I give to others but I am sure that in the end it's all equilibrium. I like to think that soulmates are a nice reward but maybe it's more like - connection that is warm.

It's hard finding warm connections. I tend to be a person who really overthinks alot and I struggle with very shallow people. Friend groups seem almost impossible for someone like me and it's kind of a shame. I sometimes wish I could play the part of being someone who is "the nice easygoing person" but I tend to look at people very deeply which doesn't align well with most. My demeanor in real life is very chill but also because I come off so reserved it's seen as intimidating.

I remember very vividly going to a house party and playing the game stur the pot. The card in particular was "who in this room is the most intimidating" and of course everyone- even the people I haven't even spoken to pointed directly at me. It didn't hurt my feelings but it did sit with me that it's how others percieve me. I have never really saw myself as an intimidating person, I try to be as kind as possible in real life. Open doors for people, If something is crooked or misplaced I will put it back, If someone needs help I will quietly help them, I pay attention to others and try to make sure they are okay.

But, I kind of understand how that aloofness or maybe reserveness can come off. I am very much always in my head and not really about the people around me at all but the people I care about. I can easily spend an entire day just thinking about a single person and it throws everything off. So to others, when I go nonverable or I don't know how to respond or maybe it's my lack of eye contact- It might be precieved as scary. I also tend to get ignored alot by others and then I get the talk of "you need to speak up more" but I try to speak up.

Sometimes, I will say things in my head and forget to say them outloud. I think it makes me come off like I am lying or hidding things but really I just stuggle sometimes with words. I don't mean to come off nonchalant but I really am just very too myself. I don't think it's a negative thing but I also can't see myself from someone else eyes. I know I have been told things like "if you dont look in people eyes than you are avoiding them" but really I just kind of feel too much when I do. I remember as a child, I would be able to look in peoples eyes and just know all their problems. I would know about their family, friends, lover, just by looking in their eyes which is very intense and almost scary.

I mainly kind of stopped once I lost all my self esteem and I just felt uncomfortable by it. I think I always felt uncomfortable by it. I think people don't realize how much their energy affects me and how it sits on me. I don't blame them because it's not their fault. Some people would claim its because of my hyper viligence or because of my empathy or my autism. But I think it's just because of who I am.

I know one of my friends who became my friend not long after that party apologized to me. I think I was suprised by his empathy. He got super drunk and the group of friend he had said he was in the garage passed out. I followed them into the garage and they start throwing random stuff on him, I thought it was funny so I did too but before I realized it.. All of his friends left and he was just there- laying on a couch with a mattress ontop of him and some tissues on his body. I removed everything and I took off my jacket and put it on him. I then went to grab all the blanket and pillows I could find. He then asked me to stay in the garage with him so I went on the opposite couch and laid there. To be honest, It was freezing cold. I didn't have a jacket and I didn't really have anything to sleep with. Some weirdo was trying to flirt with me and clearly cuddle but I didn't want him. my friend who was drunk got up and pretty much intervened and we made that dude leave. Then we spent hours just talking about different things and life. He was telling me about his girlfriend and how much he genuinely loved her. He also apologized about that night because he saw it on my face that I wasn't that thrilled about the stur the pot cards. I pretty much told him that its really no big deal - It's not like it hurt me. I just felt a bit misunderstood but I am use to that.

I guess the point of this entire long rant or whatever is that I think its nice to have soulmates and connections. I think it's nice talking to people and meeting others. But, I also have enough awareness that my personality type just isn't really meant for alot of people. I wonder if I could change that or if I am just meant to have a small group of people who love me for me. Either way, I think the average person just wants to be loved, no? "One Love" by Bob Marley

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March 5th

lowkirkenguinely trying to get my shit together unironically no cyap.
"I'm on My Way" by The Proclaimers

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March 4th

I went to the gym - I did the thing. I did it.
"Physical" by Olivia Newton-John

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March 1st

I have been thinking alot about alot of things and reflecting on my own life. Maybe because of the full moon and mercury retrograde or whatever. A main thought I have alot is about being a content creator.

I have probably listened to the song "Caramel" by Sleep Token a million times. This song is talking about vessel (the leader singers) struggle with privacy and being a musician. He essentially write how being a musician is a curse and a blessing at the same time and that he is struggling with how to manage these feelings. The feeling of being so disillusioned by the very thing he once loved. Asking his fans or possibly a loved one to stick by him so close that they also start to realize how much of a burden this thing has become to him and how he is losing the feeling of the satisfaction of being an artist. His stage has become a prison, a viewing party to those who watch, and also something he can't fully let go of.

Now, why this song is very relevant to me and something that I can't fully shake is because I feel exactly the same exact way. I have been a content creator since 2012, I have went from different fanbases - different platforms - different means and watched from my own position the way the industry works. I can say for certain it's almost impossible to talk to someone who isn't in the community and who doesn't have the same experiences as me. I think because of this and how I am percieved by love ones that they dont understand the weight I feel like I carry. I am constantly thinking about content creation. I take a shower and it's the only thing on my mind going in circles with different ideas, different videos that I know would perform well, the analytics of how and why. I am a mastermind of my own burden. I am not bitter much like Vessel but I am restained and stuck. I can't let this thing go, it just wouldn't be able to leave me. It's my only way out of the modern hell but into a strict construction of another hell. Becoming a content creator has made me more and more paranoid of those around me and how others percieve me. I struggle with trusting people let alone letting them close enough to me to even experience that feeling vessel explains in the song. The feeling of being disillused. The feeling of knowing how utterly terrible some people are in this community, The feeling of knowing that it's predatory. The feeling of knowing what really happens at parties, events, business meetings, ect.

Often my friends who are much higher in the industry will call me. Probably because I will be the only one who is straight forward with them and ground them in a way other content creators will not. The things, stories, videos, inner knowing is so disgusting. It's disgusting. I am disgusted. But I love making content. I love creating things and being validated by others for it. I love having a voice and being a voice for the voiceless. But I also struggle even more with this fact. The bigger I grow, the more wrapped up I will become. Do I really want the weight of that? That question doesn't actually matter because no matter how many times I try to walk away- it grips me. I can take a year off and the next year I will swear blood to make sure the project succeeds. My mind/creations are just too NEEDED that I could never remain silent or hidden. It's a sick twisted fantasy almost. Living in the disillusion of a red curtain and knowing I shouldn't be peaking behind it. But that's also why, I tend to gatekeep myself. I think a fear I have is that I will get to a point where they will try to sell my soul. And no not in the way you THINK selling a soul goes. I don't want to be a product while knowing I am completely and utterly a product. My brand is a product - It is not me. It is not whatever creator you are consuming. It's a curated identity and even with self awareness- that identity is still just that. It's fake. Even the authenty of a creator is always going to be slightly fake to their fans. Like a magician is always going to have a slight hand so the audience doesnt see.

Creators are losing the creation and it's turning strictly into a machine. Most creators are heavily carried by their editors - not their personalities or their "authentic self" it's someone elses creativity. And these editors are burning on fumes. I still edit all of my videos, I still try to have process in the things I create. I hope I never become a strict machine that loses its creativity but when is the ravens going to be at my door to the point where I have to?? Where giving up my own autonomy of creation - becomes the only option. That's the soul that's sold. The heart of the project dies. The actors mask falls and people still refuse to believe what's underneath. Being a content creator isnt a beautiful paradise, it's an egotistical death of the soul. That's the utter truth. It's nice to speaking to smaller creators because they still have that blindfold on so they are so hopeful. Compared, to other creators who are bigger and I talk to them about something outrageous in retrospect but they agree that its completely normal. I mean they have told me much worst so my little amount of insanity could not even touch half of what some of them have been through. And I can't even fully speak the entire truth of my own knowledge anyways.

I am grateful for my community, I am grateful to understanding the algorithm, I am grateful for my position. But, I am so entirely burnt out. I spent months trying to find a purpose to pick up the pen and write a new script or to talk to other people in the same lane. But even them, some dont fully understand.

I also just had the rough end of the stick to starting off my career. I started posting tiktoks to showcase funny moments between me and my friends. I lost that entire friend group as soon as I started gaining traction. I became the villian, I became the person who left them behind to pursue this- But I really just wanted a community and friends because I was super depressed and mentally/physically doing really bad. I didn't mean to replace them but I also had to leave once they started cussing me out for an entire hour because my time wasn't spent on them anymore and spent on editing or with other creators filming. Because of this, I moved on and kept making content but by then I realized my own community and how disgusting it was. It was tainted. My creativity was dying, My connections to others was on a thin rope. People were fans becoming friends and then treating me like a character rather than a human. They walked over my boundaries, They used me, They made me a joke and I couldn't do much except tell them goodbye. (I thought I had a friend at one point and they made whimpering audios to me without my consent and I had to disturbingly find thoses.) And that's only a tad bit. I kept trying- I switched communities, I tried to make friends but being friends with other creators was very difficult because of their own envy and hate they had towards me. I could smell it everytime they congratulated me or even WORSE made comments that made me feel inferior. Down playing my own success, Down playing me as a human, Down playing my own experiences. It's a shame. Truly, I can't explain my own issues to people without being seen a liar by them. That's a burden in itself when you already feel so fucking alone and working your fucking ass off.

I wanted this so badly, Badder than most people would ever put into trying. I spent nights, days, sleepless into this shit. A part of me is pissed that I put so much of my soul into it. A part of me loves the fact that I put so much of my soul into this. Its bittersweet. I have met some people I wouldn't trade for the world but even then, a part of me is waiting for the cards to flip. A part of me is waiting for them to put me through the ringer like other content creators and fans have. I feel even paralyzed to edit videos and I feel like a failure in the sense that their is sucha expectation that I could even possibly live up to. I want to post. I want to show up. I want to devour. I want the same desire I use to crave but I feel like I am paralyzed by how much I also hate everything. I hate Suffy. I truly hate Suffy. It's not even my fault partly- Because she is just a curation but who even am I when I am not her.

I had a crisis over this particular issue. I had a realiztion that if I wasn't Suffy - I was no one. My entire phone was full of people who loved Suffy but they didn't love me. So, much like I always do, I burned that bridge. My phone now is drier than the sahara desert. It's kind of sad but I know that if I kept playing Suffy the character to everyone anyways I would still feel the same amount of loneliness maybe even more. And even know, I know the people who do speak to me probably also only see me as Suffy. I wonder, if they even know my real name. I wonder that if the people I love even see me more than just that. It's not a brag, it's very sad. I think that's why a part of me craves to eventually leave the internet and hide into the abyss. Because, this internet stuff is killing who I am outside of a persona, It's killing to know that without it I probably would be completely alone. I can't turn it off. This is just me.

But it's not like many other people could completely understand that and I hope they never do.

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March 3rd

brain empty goes brrr

Where's Your Head At? by Basement Jaxx

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March 1st

This might be a long thought so brace yourself or just skip this entire paragraph and go to a much shorter one.... that works too.

When I woke up I was thinking pretty heavily about my last post. I tend to focus on the big picture of life but miss the short details but I am the exact opposite in relationships/connections with others. It's a bit of a paradox really. I can be like ok wow here is the flow chart of my life right? but my biggest blindspot is the flow chart of connection. Sometimes I forget about the picture of someone in my life. What purpose or functions do they serve, why? What is beneficial and what is parasitic? Where does the cycle even flow or go?

For example, Friendship. I never actually fully understood the purpose of friendships. I meet someone, we have common interest, we are now friends. that's easy to diagest. BUT then its like- now I owe this person something in return rather that be my time, my advice, my money, my community, or whatever else. And I know people are like "friendships are suppose to be reciporal" well no shit but you still have to GIVE to RECIEVE. Their is always a price to pay when you have friends even if the price isn't relatively expensive. But, it's also exhausting when you are trying to manage multiple friendships. Which might just be a me problem, honestly. I overlove the fuck out of my friends more than they probably could even comprehend. I have done much more for friendships than I have for romantic partners (THAT SPEAKS ALOT BC IF U KNOW MY ROMANTIC PAST IVE DONE... ALOT ALOT ALOT FOR MUCH LESS) I remember one of my friends got commited to the hospital and we didn't know when they were going to release her or even release her so I slept outside in my car in a hospital parking lot waiting for her just in case. And then we picked her up finally, SHE WAS PISSED. McEXCUSE ME bitch are you serious???? Whatever, We had a stern ass talking because it was honestly a really STUPID reason for her to be at the hospital but I disgress. We aren't friends anymore after a decade long friendship because... She was exhausting like EXHAUSTING. I just remember I was trying so hard to help her and her sister get their shit together and they just like... who fucking knows. Especially her sister, she was a whole piece of work. She would randomly just dip on us for some dick. FOR YEARS. And I remember one time she literally almost got me and her little sister killed in the hood but thats a WHOLE different story. I just remember very vividly being in the back of the car while expressing to her how fucking terrible her actions were and she was just scrolling on her phone. Almost died because she wanted dick. INSANE. I remember pretty much telling her like "It's kind of fucked up that I have loved you my entire life, gave you everything you could ask for, show up again and again just for you to spit in my face." (This is a common issue for me I fear.) But we still remained friends after that for YEARS. Until I eventually just stopped showing up a couple years ago. Friendships don't really make sense to me.

Which is what leads me to the entire point - When I look at people, maybe even the people around me; I can see all the issues. I can see the psychology. I can pick up the energy. I can have fully awareness of them which they probably LACK towards me. Which leads me to the blind spot that I clearly have - self sacrifice. And I have been aware of this tendecy for years, I just don't know how to UNDO it like I try to have more boundaries. I try to use tactics that are suppose to help. I try to work on my own self esteem but like what if you can't actually change it? What if that's just the person you are and is that really a bad thing...? I imagine if it was reciporated than it wouldn't be shamed. I don't know I am not the intelligent of a person but I surely know that I don't think love is a bad thing. I don't think being at 100% in relationships is something worth punishing. I think if I had that than I would be grateful for it. I might run a bit but I would appreciate it.
I have three anime tattoos and each character is:
Sayaka Miki from Madoka Magica
Misa Amane from Death Note
Mikey Sano (Manila version) from Tokyo Revengers
Each character struggles with the same reality as me. Self Scarification. I have wroten many poems about my own struggles with it. I think that's why I choose those characters to get tatted on my though, it's just a symbol of well myself. I know that if I was in similar situations as those characters, I probably would have done the same as them. Misa knows she's smarter and more stragetic than Light but still chooses to scarifice that knowledge to play as a pawn out of love. Mikey knows that happiness of his gang relies on him and because he couldn't control them, he killed them all. But not out of hate, but out of love which is WHY he ask takemichi to kill him. Plus Mikey, literally lets the entire gang disband while staying in the gang life willingly to protect those he loves. He sacrificed his own will to protect those he loved. Sayaka wishes to watch the love of her life play te violin one more time than loses her soul over it. At the end, she loses him. He chooses someone else. She loses herself. And she sits their with Madoka watching him play violin but not with hate- with only love.
I get it. What is life without connection? I think I just see the frame of life as that, I am just a soul looking to connect with others. Connection is the only thing we truly have in this world when you let go of the structure of living like housing or money. Without these structure; all humans had was eachother. Hunting, Gathering, Building together. That's the point of life right? Meeting others and giving grace when grace is needed. I don't know maybe i'm too paradoxical in my own thinking. I doubt I will ever have the exact answer. We're Going to Be Friends by The White Stripes

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Feb 28th

I am going to rant like shit because im super irritated. Why am I always punished for being the ONLY person who tells the TRUTH. It's like a fucking sin to humans when you are honest to them. I don't think I've had a moment where I didn't get punished for being honest, and sure my honesty is probably more batshit crazy then peoples lies. BUT ATLEAST I TELL THE TRUTH. I had a reminder today of a past friend who pretty much went dead silent once I was like if you don't trust me than dont be around me. I am sorry that some peoples lives are so fucking boring and NPC coded that when I am honest its like a complete shock to their nervous system. WOW, You dont believe in yourself and you have a comfortable normal life. Well maybe, if you took five seconds and stopped choosing to be a normal spongebob than you'd see how WEIRD life is. LIFE IS WEIRD.

MY LIFE IS WEIRD. And I was thinking about it the other day from a different persepective - my problems don't even SOUND real. They sound like the plot of a shitty sitcom made by a bunch of 50 year old man sitting around drinking their morning coffee. SO YOU KNOW WHAT - to a normal person I PROBABLY DO ALWAYS SOUND INSANE WHEN I SPEAK THE TRUTH. BUT WHY DO I GET PUNISHED FOR HONESTY???? SERIOUSLY??

And something that has always sticked with me but I never actually mentioned was one of my friends told me like a year ago that "I didn't know myself" girl..... LOL I think out of most people I am probably the most self aware. Sure I might NOT have all the small details but I definetly see the big picture on things. And why is that a problem in itself?

If I say:
I want a partner who loves me and wants the same future as me.
I want to get married
I want to adopt kids
I want to live somewhere warmer or perhaps out of the country either or
I want to own my own cafe/business
I want to eventually disappear from the internet because I will be so happy with my actual life - being online wont bring me the same dopamine
then what? I don't know myself? I don't know that I am just a vessel living a human experience? That I am so dumbfounded to understand that death is certain so I always make decisions that others would completely question. SURE. But atleast my values and morals are that I speak the truth and I TRY. I TRY. Most people FAIL at that. I have been punished over and over again for trying but atleast I STILL DO. LIKE FOR SOME GOD DAMN REASON - I AM THE VILLIAN AGAIN AND AGAIN FOR BEING REAL???? DO YOU PEOPLE WANT ME TO LIE AND MANIPULATE YOU SO YOU CAN FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOU DO TO OTHERS???? yea right. Fuck You by Ceelo Green

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Feb 27th

had a therapy appointment and the therapist said one of my biggest mistakes it that I don’t take people at face value and I should just accept what’s directly told to me. damn. she is definitely right, I have this tendency where I just overthink or overanalyze but because I do that- I also overly accept negative behavior I shouldn’t. xyz example:

x holds back information y later says: I didn’t tell you because (whatever reason) z: I over analyze it to the point where I can explain the psychology behind said effect so then I rationalize it as a subconscious behavior.

but that’s also a really BAD thing because then if someone does some diabolical behavior towards me then I will rationalize it with whatever psychological explanation. So it makes sense why the therapist said take it people at face value. if they lie then admit to lying take it at face value. if they cheat and you catch/they admit to cheating take it at face value- don’t look for the underlying reasons. so it’s like trusting someone at where they are at. I guess that’s a food for thought. Will I take this advice and listen to it… that’s another question entirely. anyways song of the day - Should I Let This Go? by 54 Ultra

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Feb 26th

I have been running like a chicken with it's head cutt off because I am throwing a birthday party for a family member soon. I have been trying to prepare as much as humanly possible but jeez I didn't realize how much time and effort goes into these things. I swear you spend more money on the party alone than any gifts the main person will recieve. I kind of understand now why people don't throw them. Today I choose... Apple Cider by Beabadoobee

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Feb 23rd

I have been feeling a bit nostalagic- I started rewatching alot of the old jackass clips. Johhny Knoxville, Bam, Steve-o, brings me back to the good ol days of playing tony hawk underground on the playstation 2. It's crazy to think that those guys are like the same age and even older than my dad. I remember being so young watching their content and wanting skater clothing brands. A thrasher shirt use to make you look like a rich god. Or maybe I just highly respected the skateboarding commmunity. A bunch of rejects skating and causing ruckus just because? why not? I also just think the culture was alot different in 2012 - Being in hot topic was a completely different experience. My parents would REFUSE to even enter that store and now they walk in their with ease. Warped Tour was at its PEAK. I went back in like 2015 and got to experience ATILA.... I SHOULDNT HAVE BEEN AT THAT SHOW!!! THEY WERE DOING WALLS OF DEATH,BLOOD EVERYWHERE AND PEOPLE PASSING OUT. I think my favorite band while I was their was I the mighty. They have disbanded due to allegations. Which SUCKS but you know what sucks more? I went to an odetari show - hungout with odetari while blacked out drunk than got kicked out of the venue which lead me to stumbling to a bar which had the people who worked at the music venue. The told me in DEPTH about what happened with I the Mighty. My little drunk self was HURT but atleast I found out the truth.... will that make me quit listening to the band? NO. They have by far some of the best ROCK music in the entire genre. I think the closest Ive gotten to replacing them is the home team. Those guys are super cool in real life. I hungout with them at a venue after their show and they are just all around super nice people. ANYWAYS- the rock and skater community has changed so much and it's weird seeing how different even the crowds act. I sometimes forget that im still not 13 anymore. things change, ive changed. Rock Show by Blink 182

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Feb 22nd

fuck ahh therapist ghosted my ass and then to make the matters worst -
I spoke to a new one today and she just told me that I like red flags and I give off mixed signals... Okay lady um, I needed advice on how to work on my attachment style. She gave me like some CHATGPT response like "oh these feelings are normal, you are overthinking it" and told me to go watch a youtube channel about relationships?!?!

LIKE GIRL ISN'T IT YOUR JOB TO BE HELPING ME?? (ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU COST 150$) A TAROT READER GIVES ME MORE ADVICE THAN THAT FOR 30$????

So my journey of finding a new therapist starts this week and hopefully I will get an in person one so they can tell me to my face that I have issues but until then... I guess I will keep trying. In Too Deep by Sum 41

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Feb 16th

lowkirkengely trying to get my life back together like lmao.. I have a therapy appointment on friday bc I realized I am not ready to start dating again. That shit gives me crazy anxiety - I start assuming that the person hates me and is praying on my downfalls even if they literally are just minding their business. I just start spiralling and yea no... It is not a good place mentally. I have been doing the work on myself for over a year but it's a different ball game when you are single verses when you actually like someone. So I did what any normal human being would do, and I signed up for therapy, got in touch with my college to see how much I need to do to get my next degree and I got a summer job. So I dont really know how any of this will go but my life crashed before my eyes all because *I ripped my pants* ;) Ripped Pants by Spongebob

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Feb 15th

Yesterday was Valentine's day! I honestly felt pretty meh about the entire day. I think sometimes when you are constantly reminded that you don't have a partner, it can feel suffocating... I think most people would like to have a significant other. Especially, just to have someone to spend time with and to do things with. I often daydream about dates/things I would like to do with another person. Like, there is an animal crossing aquarium thing happening soon at a aquarium near me and I just imagine holding hands while walking around. Of course, that probably won't be happening for me but the thought is nice. It's one of those things that help soothe the mind from the anxiety relationships are. If only you could find another person to interwine your soul with without issues but thats unrealistic. I guess its the intergration of allowing both- the good times and the hard times too. Anyways, I think my mind is just stuck on that idea, listening to laufey, falling into imagination, holding ideas of romance. Being a hopeless romantic is exhausting.A Night to Remember by Laufey and Beabadoobee

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Feb 2nd

life couldd bee dreaammm. dah dah dah. I highkey fuck with that video where its that song and the monkey is being spunned. If only life felt like that 24/7. to be a monkey with no cares, to ride a golfcart or be spun around to enjoyable music. that would make life be dream. Sh-Boom by The Chords.

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December 5th

I feel pretty good right now, not really for a particular reason but just in general. I think I feel pretty proud of myself and how far i've come! I think alot of times its easy to forget to take a breath and look at your own accomplishments. I worked pretty hard to where I am and hopefully where I am going. Like Him by Tyler The Creator

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Yappin- October 7th

ah oh I forgor to write.... welp I worked on the website today and it's october 7th so thats like pretty cool. I have made alot of progress on this website which makes me pretty proud watching it all come together. I am almost done adding all the sections and then I guess I will just use this as a place to make updates and write about things that come to my mind; my dreams, my goals, thoughts, idk. but yerrrr let's get it!! I Wonder by Kayne West