Moi dix Mois White Decagram

ARE YOU LOST?

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Peace

"and for the first time i’ve laid staring at the sky without a worry in my mind. I am free. I am alive. the thoughts that pace me by are kind and gentle of the future yet to come and the moment I am pondering now as the breeze flows and the chatters of a unknown animal all I know is that I am not alone laying with the grass, dirt, or the ants below digging holes how beautiful is this world that spins and the clouds that speak stories we will never understand so when I look in the sky and point out how I swear I’ve just seen a picture that could make a thousand words seem easily understood I know that im connected to all."

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Friends

Friends forever, never apart, This was a soul connection, and I've found my desire. As we walk through heaven—or even a burning hell— For you, my friend, it’s been easier than I can tell. The loneliness that once devoured me, Now quiet, I forget how it once used to tower. Now I stand, a trophy in my hand, Looking at those who followed, They never cowered from the path, That led me to where my heart can now flower.

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Love's First

"an energy lingers around you from long ago, you might be unaware but it’s everywhere you go he shows up in every lover you date come across and if you settle, his ghost will not allow that their he will remind you of the past and what could’ve but never was he will be a horror movie that people swear is a love story but you know the truth 500 days of summer yet I was always looking for fall he is the man who looked in your eyes so differently from the rest, it was like he spoke to your soul and the more he did, the more you know that it could’ve never been rightfully so you looked away, moved on, even forgot to smell of his cologne but you know that you could describe his eyes a brown with a hint of green how he looked directly into yours and smirked just slightly the pause when your eyes connected than adverted every turn and he was the corner you hated looking in the resentment, the hurt, the karma you never fully learned to let it go it’s just said sitting stagnant in another’s face. he choose a life of misery over his own peace. i was like a muse for him, i brought out his creativity/his passion but once he decided he couldn’t choose the life he wanted to live and picked a shallow one with a wife who satisfy his family but not him- a dead end job he hates and family tension he can’t dissipate"

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Self Limiting Belief

"a small part of me always thought that I was kind and sweet but yet I knew their was always a side of me that failed to express my self deception and my deception towards others. some call it “imposter syndrome” others claim that it’s just my autism yet I always feel like a version of me that others cannot see and so I sometimes beg for them to trust in me yet I do not trust in myself. This is what is believed to be a “self limiting belief.” a idea that must be changed in order to meet those around you on a level they can understand and for you to break that insecurity. I guess this is my confrontation with myself trying to break these thoughts or to gain some kind of relief."

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Karma's Grief

"No apology would suffice for the pain we both inflicted For both of us had our shields running at each other with knives at full speed. Only blood on the warlines could speak the wounds we both endured With tears running down our faces with a nod towards each other We both rush into this battle knowing neither of us are healed But yet we stand to defend and attack With the intent to kill. "

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Destiny's Island

"sometimes you explore lands that never needed to be discovered. while scaling the place, you come to face the challenges that you wish you could ignore. I tend to stumble on this thing I get lost so easily in which is called my “feelings.” I don’t know if is a disease or some foreign astrology where people say “its just the cancer moon.” yet this shadowy side of my reels in the tough emotions on the island I should’ve never rafted upon"

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Dread

"As far as I could remember, I have always dreaded my name. Maybe it’s because the meaning of it, follows me. My parents refused to stop having kids until they had a girl, i guess it was predetermined in their mind that was what they wanted. Every person I tend to meet has some kind of connection to me similar to the red string theory or even the idea proposed by an ex that it’s the “atom theory.” Anyways, every moment leads to somewhere I should have been. Rather at this second, or a year prior to this day. I guess our paths were always strung to be. I hate the words “meant to be” yet... I do believe in my name however I still dread that this is my destiny."

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Debates

"A debate I hear often is that fiction is better than reality but I can’t help but think that reality can sometimes be crazier than anything fiction could stand to create. Sometimes, I lay in bed staring at the ceilings head thinking of all the things I wish I could have said or all the times I wish I could’ve been dead. It’s a bittersweet defeat when you can’t rest your head for sleep so here you are planting a garden that you never decided to take responsibility for. It’s also a common belief that the things you hear and read are what scatters around your head and wobbles around your subconscious mind. You can turn on the meditation music or listen to subliminals to try to change those words that seep through your skin or you can have humble defeat with the negative tone that seeks through your dreams. It’s honestly up to you to choose what you want to allow in your own personal venn diagram."

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Ghost

"but the taste of death wasn’t so bitter since their is no other flavor left a ghost that can no longer haunt me smiles that have faded into photos. a polaroid left on the side of the street I can’t lie about it but the deathly presence still visits me in my sleep I rebuke your energy. goodnight rest in peace."

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Human

i’m not good nor bad but just human. although I have only treated other people with love, that doesn’t mean that the love is going to be reciprocated or recognized and how others treat me is a reflection of how they feel about themselves. when you go through life growing up in a shitty situation and decide how you are going to be to those around you. make a calm decision between letting that pain and anger harbor you or to let it harbor the others. to choose between alchemy or transmission of the things that have been or done before. yet, you are the magician of your world view and truly it is up to you.... I hope you choose to submit to the disgrace of this dreaded land and let the universe be the guide to show you what’s true inside of your own heart and mind which will lead you to choose happiness and peace. Allowing others to live and breath with the same wholeness for you to complete.

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Poetic Rizz

"Dear take my hand I don’t know where we will go But as long as you are here I have already found my home Lead to where your heart desires I’ll follow behind whispering to take it slow. If you would like to climb a mountain I will hike the whole way through So when we reach the top, we can stop and embrace the view But it still wouldn’t be as breathtaking as my feelings for you."

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3 AM

"I can’t rest my eyes I stayed up all night writing But in reality, I wanted to call you Would you have picked up the phone? I know you are still awake But I can’t get myself to dial because what if you don’t answer it’s three in the morning…"

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Karmic

"so in every timeline you are apparently with me by my side falling in love, reconciling then waiting next time to make it right. I remember when you made a joke about the atom theory, that our molecules were so close to eachother so would you believe me if I said that our past lives told me a secret they wanted us to know no matter if we are together in this or another, they want us to grow and reconcile they want our happiness even if it’s separate so when we come back to eachother, we will fall in love with eachother all over again but each time is easier than before and less complications I asked if that’s why I knew immediately you would be my husband and it said that’s because we have been married so many times before even if it was fleeting and one of us had to let the other go under circumstances we couldn’t control look at us today, together in this lifetime to finish what was once destroyed in love we will overcome my one."

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Love

"Love is not a second day job, it isn’t something you are forcibly to do, it is calm and collective. It comes with no warning or regard. It doesn’t ask for hard work or a daily routine. It’s something that lingers or peeled apart like a mandarin. And if you try to stop the feeling it creates, it will squeeze you so hard into a glass of lemonade."

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Stars

"I am like a star in the universe, many have reached for but none can handle. They can stare as long as they like but can only see my shine in the darkness. however, I am always there in the sky. My worth does not devalue in the daylight nor increase in the night. I am one of a kind, something people study for and can’t seem to find the meaning of understanding. although that is fine because despite it all, I will continue to be a guide of light."

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Paths

"When you lose your way, you are never lost, just lead astray. Time will envision paths which encounter choices that will be made. Take a breath and let your heart find its way. For the soul, will walk the path that it may Even if your control is not in your palms. The walk way, will lead to decisions you will find hard to make But with the guidance in your heart it will illuminate A destination you'd never be able to solely create."

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Away

"I know I pushed you away. When you needed some room for less space- Wanting to be embraced: I ran fully away. I failed to see your attempt for connection I mistook it for you wanting me to leave. Patience was the key But I lost my virtue trying to find the time To keep a relationship alive. I wish I could’ve spoken with honest And love. All these overwhelming feelings but yet The silence could not write the words We both wish to say. Ive lost my control in this relationship So now I must surrender to a never concurred ending. Or so it will be in time."

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Bad Habit

"the vicious cycle of bad habits haunt me around every corner, it feels like it’s always there hidden from my vision but will make its appearance at a moment less to spare. It cave's into my heart and bones, squeezing them and fracturing them with each beat. “keep looking away” I tell myself with my avoidant mind but it would never fill my void inside unless I allow my habits to take overdrive."

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Fearful Avoidant

"towards my family, I am avoidant to my lover, I am anxious but when their love becomes familiar I start to turn cold. I’m not sure when my heart started to ice over and become a block that even a campfire couldn’t ignite. No matter the warmth or the flicker of flames I simply can only see the smoke. And with just the minskole drips of water It will then turn the wood to ashe Never allowing itself to reignite But being replaced with another To allow fire to meet water. and when winter comes, it shall become icy once more. Or then again….?"

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Could...

"Could you still love me despite what I am? holding me tightly never letting me leave… noticing all the things that I will never perceive... begging for you to look deeply inside of me… fighting the false narrative that’s taken over my mind…. seeing my past and knowing I left it all behind…. Could you still love me despite what I will be? grasping on to the words I falsely believe…. caressing my thoughts so heavenly… snuggling the parts that I refuse to let you see.. settling for all the things I couldn't not achieve.. suffocating all the lies that my lips will leave.. Could you still love me despite what I may seem?"

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In a Dream

"only in my dreams, I could hold you squeezing you tightly embracing the comfort of your skin then my alarm screams goodmorning and you are gone again. so I wait til the night to revisit you waiting for our lips to lock and your voice to lore me into the depths of my imagination where only we can hide in until the clock strikes 9 from the day long calls to now never even saying hi darling, I will see you again but only late into the night as in my reality you are gone but in my mind, you pull me just right."

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*A Lesson from a Kitten*

"as my kitten climbed onto my chest, I whispered “what kind of advice would you offer me?” as only a kitten can do, he meowed and rubbed against my face. “oh kitten you are lovey when you want but cold when you do not, so tell me how to love just enough but never too much..” and again as a kitten could do... he purred and slept next too me close but not close enough..."

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Rage

"I must admit that an inner rage exist in me caused by my own grievance. I want to prove the world so wrong to showcase my endeavors, to spit out my own knowledge... even if it contains blood, the harshness of the cruelty I endured but my body can never swallow the knife stuck in my throat so my words will never be spoke. Instead, I use my pen and write letters on these thin sheets hoping someone will gladly come along and pick them up to read but maybe that acknowledgement would just leave me truly left out to bleed."

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Sacrifice

"I kill myself for others although, they could never die for me. I don’t blame them because if truth be told I am the one who chooses to discard myself to show affection. Maybe, I’ve deluded myself into believing I am an almighty savior brought to this earth to heal all beings. But I am no such thing close to being a god rather… I am just a child with a complex mind. If i'm not useful to those around me, That might as well be death itself for me Maybe one day i'll grow into an adult and realize that It's time to awake from the facade. Others are meant to be loved and cherish, Not meant to watch you die."

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Pichinoccoi

"In my head, I think of a poem- it’s about pichinoccoi and how he has strings but rather if it was a spider web instead so if someone decided to try to pick up his head it would snap instead of bend. if only his own will could move the doll as in the vessel inside gained the strength to never allow another to push him aside, contorting his body, or throwing him around if he picks his own body without the strings no longer a pawn to those who try because it became clear to him he is just a guy… a real boy inside."

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